My skin is the final resting place for over 300 chiggers. Their graves are marked by large red welts filled with clear liquid (like a fire ant bite x4). The only flowers I'm leaving for this graveyard that is my body depends on how the betadine, Caladyrl, Poison Oak Out, peroxide, epsom salts, nail polish and various other chemicals absorb and print when I stamp them on the gravestones with a cotton ball or q-tip. Yes, even chiggers can be used to make art.
Last night, I found a live one on my body and Patrick and Gary observed it under a microscope. It looked quite nasty and uncouth- certainly not the type of creature I like to know intimately. I popped a Bendryl and then two more and laid down hoping to sleep. Thirty-five minutes later, I woke up to see my legs and torso bleeding from scratching. As long as the US government continues to torture human beings in the name of truth, justice, and Betsy Ross, they should look into tying up humans and setting chiggers loose on them. ABOSOLUTELY MADDENING. I didn't sleep a wink (except again for 15 minutes around 3 am) for the rest of the night and just waited for the sun to rise as I experimented with every hostile chemical in the house.
So far, that astringent my sister gifted a few years ago has worked the best. I've used almost half the bottle. Note to sister: This is what Alina does with astringent.
The sun finally inched its way over our neighbor's home. With one hour of sleep to my name, I crawled like a dope fiend into my mom's house begging for steroids. Did I mention that steroids are my worst enemy? I begged for them.
"You should nap," she said.
"You're funny," I replied.
Napping with steroids is like sitting on the toilet sans literature- impossible for me. So here I am- dizzy, buzzy, still itching, howling every once in a while when the ghosts all start dancing at once. The thought of night creeps like a..... Oh bother. I just realized we are in for more of this because we didn't wash the chigger clothing in hot water. Must go save my husband before he, too, becomes a field of tombstones.